It’s hard to imagine, now but just five years ago I was living the most goal-driven life possible. My goal – the standard American definition of success. I had the career, the husband, the organized vacations to exotic locals two times a year, the plan to have two kids – one boy, one girl, the weekend lake house and the retirement plan. Absolutely everything in my life was seemingly controlled and planned out.
Then my dad died. It happens. Life happens out of our control and can completely unravel on a Tuesday morning before breakfast. For many they grieve for a time and then they keep on the path they set out for themselves or the one expected of them by society, community and family. For me it was a checklist. Undergraduate degree – check. Work experience – check. Graduate degree – check. Perfect career on paper – check. Marriage to the right guy – check.
And then I had an awakening so life changing, I could not do those things anymore no matter how hard I tried. My father’s death was the loose thread in the sweater that was my life. Instead of sewing it back into repair – and my human wanted to do that so very badly – I went with that soul voice that said pull it – pull the thread hard – and let the whole fucking sweater unravel, reducing it to a heap of tangled, chaotic mess.
And a mess it was. First, I walked into my job one day and quit that without a thought involved. I decided to stop trying to have a baby I never really wanted but was only doing it to fulfill my checklist and make my husband happy. Then once explaining to my husband my plans for no plans, I realized this marriage thing was not going to work out for me either.
For the next three years I would wade in the chaos, having amazing spiritual experiences and also allowing my human to cry herself to sleep most nights. Yet, somehow I knew I was moving on to not necessarily bigger and better things but into a more authentic and more conscious existence.
I reveled in the freedom of not having an alarm clock wake me up, not having a thousand emails to read each week, not worrying about what size my clothes were or what to pick up for dinner. AND my human was absolutely terrified at the same time.
During this period, my human aspect would occasionally try to draw up a plan. Ha! You want a plan? My soul would lovingly chuckle. There is no plan. Only creation. Eventually – and I am a slow learner – I learned not to waste energy on plans. I was going through a radical soul evolution. How would I know what I want to create when I changed so radically in just a few weeks? How could I pick a partner or a new career when in six months time I would be a completely different person?
Letting go of plans and goals and budgets and timelines and expectations for myself was hands down the hardest part of moving from my human aspect being in charge of my life to living a soul-driven life. And it did not happen over night. It was a long process with many steps forward only to fall back down to the bottom of the stairs.
As a conscious creator, goals, plans and linear time become completely obsolete. When the soul creates it is not to meet the definition of success that comes from an external source. The soul creates to express itself, simply for the joy of creation. It creates for the experience rather than the outcome. Something totally different from how we were taught by our parents, teachers and work environments where metrics are the norm and working hard for money is the sole belief.
To authentically create we must move away from measuring our success against an illusory yard stick someone else created, leaving only the questions – does this creation bring my soul joy? Is this an experience I desire at the soul level with no attachment to the outcome? And we must completely and totally once and for all throw out the idea that we must work hard for money. It's simply not true, never has been.
The reason it is so imperative to let go of goals, plans and the fear of so-called failure in the conscious creativity process is that so often our soul’s creative solutions are beyond the imagination of the human part of us. Our human aspect cannot even fathom the endless possibilities beyond the human end goal. So when the human sets it’s eye on the prize, the specific goal, it narrows his or her vision so much, he or she cannot see the much grander options the soul is presenting. Instead, the person settles for the safe human goal that meets an immediate human need or fits into the societal norms of goal setting.
One of my grandest soul creations to date happened right after my divorce, and my human played an extremely limited role in it. I was desperately looking for a place to live as my ex kept the house. I went from apartment complex to apartment complex and nothing seemed to be working out. After the last apartment denied my application because of a drug charge on my record from 1998, I was hysterically crying in my car when the phone rang. It was my real estate agent that my soon to be ex and I had worked with for many years.
“Are you interested in buying an investment property?”
No, I can’t do that right now, my human thought. Not while going through a divorce. Not without the safety net my partner provided. Then I heard a deep voice from within. It was not words. It was not a feeling or emotion. It was a deep sensual, inner knowing that this was my creative solution to my current fuck show of a situation that I found myself in.
“Yes, I am,” I replied. Fuck it.
What’s the worse thing that could happen, I thought, as my human listed every possible storm that could strike. Yet, I knew listening to that fear voice is what had created this whole mess in the first place. Time to try something NEW.
My real estate agent explained that the owners of the house wanted to sell it quickly for a low price, as it needed work. What did I know about fixing an old, dilapidated shack? Not much.
I wiped my tears away as I drove to the house, still occupied by tenants so I could not go in. It was a mess even from the outside, and yet my soul said, this is it. Buy it. I made the offer without even going inside. The bank gave me the loan instantly. And in one week’s time, I had the keys to it.
Everything was so easy. That’s when I was able to convince my human aspect that this was not crazy. Because I knew so deeply that when things flow, when things fall into place with such ease and grace, that’s where the magic happens.
I won’t bore you will all the details, but somehow I coordinated a plumber, a handyman, a tile guy, an electrician, bought the supplies at the Home Depot without any trouble. I had the house up and running in six weeks. I painted the outside of the tiny shack yellow and orange and deemed it the Sunny Shack. I used it as my home base while I traveled all over the world, not knowing where the next bucket of money was going to come from – only knowing that there would in fact be more buckets.
When I hit the two-year mark of living in the Sunny Shack (to avoid taxes in the U.S. you must occupy a home for two years before selling it), I called my real estate agent and said I was ready to sell. No problem, he said.
Within one week, I sold that old shack for a mighty, mighty profit that would fund my adventures for yet another year plus money to roll into another investment. Had I been operating solely in my human self that was hysterically crying in the car of that apartment complex two years before, I would have done the so-called responsible, safe thing. I would have gotten another job that would have simply paid my rent as I sat at a desk 40 hours a week, making just enough to live and saving little.
Instead, I took the BIG RISK. I bought a dump and turned it into a young couple’s first home. I funded my adventures without compromising my soul, which surely would have happened for me working at a desk. Sure, people thought I may have been a little nuts at the beginning but fuck them. When you’re in the flow, the last thing that matters is the human, fear-based advice from your mind and those around you living in their minds.
Now, today when my human screams, we need a plan for a storm that may or may not come, my soul flashes the image of the Sunny Shack. It’s canary yellow walls and sunset orange shutters remind me once again – the grandest creations come from the flow of life, from the big risks supported by that deep inner knowing, or gnost, that is the voice of the soul. Goals and plans take you out of the flow and leave you blind to the creative solutions surrounding each and every one of us at all times.
After the sale of the home with my big prize money, friends asked if I was going to flip a house again. No goals. No plans. Just creating. I knew consistency was not your friend in the creative process. Staying on one particular path or working to repeat things in ever-shifting energy creates just as many blind spots as goals and plans.
Today that creative solution is the New Energy Creator website, the coaching and counseling services I provide and the host of new workshops I am creating at the moment for 2017. I AM beyond honored that you take a few minutes to share it with me by reading my posts and/or working with me privately.
Friends, I invite you to drop the plans and the goals. Let go of the illusion of control. Stop preparing for the storm that may or may not come. Step off the ledge into the flow of creativity that pours from your soul. Find absolute trust and awareness of the wise master that lives within you. And definitely take time to marvel at your creations when they are finished before moving onto the next one for it is in our grand creations that we witness our inner divinity, knowing we are god, also.
Happy conscious creating, friends!