Many folks in the new age community would have you believe in a concept called a twin flame relationship. If you haven’t heard of the twin flame or twin soul concept, it is understood as another human being serving as the other half of your soul. As the myth goes, each of us has only one twin flame, which after being split, the two souls went their separate ways, incarnating over and over again to have a human experience before reuniting to ascend together. Sounds like the stuff of fairy tales, right?
Another source says that each side of the twin is a complete soul but their task is to become more complete in reuniting, balancing the feminine and the masculine together. How does that make any sense? You are either a complete soul or not. Complete is an absolute; there is no more or less complete. Furthermore, our inner divinity is neither masculine nor feminine. The soul does not know or operate within dualities, opposites or separations. If we are searching for our masculine or feminine counterpart, we need to go no further than looking within, toward the soul.
Nothing short of the Cinderella or Snow White tales, the myth would have you believe the twin flame relationship as the most fulfilling relationship on Earth, which comes with sacred sex, spiritual super powers and a happily ever after ending. Yet, in this twin flame community, they explain that there is usually a ‘runner’ in this reunion. They tell you the other person is scared or not ready. The worst part about this is the person who believes the other person is their twin flame will put up with all sorts of emotional and spiritual abuse from the person in question. They believe that if they are just patient enough and put up with enough bullshit the soul in question will return to them and the magic list of twin flame benefits will activate, basically fixing everything. And the cycle goes on and on with a never-ending search for this magical partner, delivering enlightenment.
Friends, I tell you this is one hell of a fairy tale, equally as alarming as the concept of prince charming coming to save Snow White from the evil witch. The first thing wrong with the twin flame myth is that you are a complete, sovereign being regardless of the relationship you happen to be in. Second, finding this so called twin flame is by no means a requirement for self-actualization/ enlightenment/ ascension, which really is nothing more than completing your cycle of lifetimes on earth through integration of all parts of yourself and in complete love for and acceptance of yourself. If you’re running around looking for your ‘other half’ in a panic, I promise ascension will not even be an option. The ‘other half’ is you!
I wasn’t introduced to this concept of a twin flame until 2013 after a spiritual awakening. I’ll admit it was one hell of a tale that mesmerized me. In 2014, I met a man and our connection blew me away. “Could this be him, my twin flame?” I thought. Cue damsel in distress mentality. Fortunately, just days after our meeting, I was scheduled to fly to Costa Rica, where I was volunteering at a sea turtle rescue and writing my book, Becoming Sar'h: Book One.
One night, I was walking down the beach in an electric storm. The sky was illuminating every 30 seconds or so with the brilliant pink and purple glow of the lightening strikes. Yeshua (some of you may know him as Jesus) and I were walking barefoot, side by side down the black sand beach. Yeshua visits me – like thousands of other people – on occasion. I said to him, “Do you think this man could be my twin flame?”
Before we had been joking and laughing with each other. Yeshua has quite the sense of humor. After the question, he became quiet and contemplative.
“Lauren, what does your soul tell you about twin flames?”
Like any good teacher, Yeshua showed me where to look not what to see (I learned from the best), so I reached deep within for the answer.
“My soul tells me I AM my own twin flame,” I said, waiting to see if this was what he was looking for.
Yeshua flashed a smile that seemed to radiate from his heart. I knew I had not disappointed him. Together we finished our walk in silence, and I basked in the honor and respect my teacher and friend had for me.
Later, I would find out through a series of dreams that this man and I had experienced many lives together, and we had a lot to remember and learn from one another in this lifetime. It was a huge gift to have found each other – one we had planned before incarnating again. Yet, if I had been in throws of the twin flame myth, and I had been chasing after the romantic notion of him completing me, I would have missed all the lessons and joy of sharing our experiences – something that has brought me great joy over the course of our almost two-year-long reunion. He remains a great friend whose opinions I trust, and I’m so glad I did not miss that.
Technically, this man would fit into the new age concept of soul mate. One source says these human souls are our ‘soul family’ reincarnated whom we have many lifetimes with and who help us evolve and dissipate karma. Further more, soul relationships have another category called karmic relationships. These are relationships with souls, we’ve shared past lives with and met up with again to heal the past and help each other evolve.
I don’t disagree with being open to these relationships helping us evolve and release karma (or you could just evolve and release the karma alone, but I digress...). My resistance to them is what happens when our human aspect – the one who has been trained to believe that there is another human out there who will fix everything – starts creating stories around the people we meet. I have seen it turn beautiful, advanced, sovereign souls (men and women) into blubbering, sad, angry humans over and over again. I know because I have been sucked into the construct before – especially in several recent past lives.
Here’s how it usually happens: we meet someone and instantly know it is significant. We – either on our own or with the help of a psychic reader – identify someone as one of these relationship categories – twin flame, soul mate or karmic relationship in our heads. We attach stories and expectations onto the person whose soul is so very familiar to us, and then we are upset when that person doesn’t want to participate at the depth we expect or vice versa.
We or they choose to either wait around for the other person to have an awakening and continually put up with their abuse, hanging onto some small amount of hope that they will realize the relationship. Or, we jump from person to person, hoping this one will finally be it. Either way it becomes an addiction, a huge distraction from the soul’s journey and especially detrimental to the self-actualization process, should that be your choice in this life.
Just recently, in my own inner exploration, my soul showed me a trap door. He/she/it said, "You can open this door to fully to experience the love I, soul, have for you, the beautiful, funny, spunky, sometimes really bitchy human aspect called Lauren. Are you ready?”
I was, and I did. I went within and opened the trap door unable to know what to predict. That’s because I had no idea what kind of love would pour out of the door. If anyone had every loved me to the point of human extreme, it was my father. It’s the most powerful form of unconditional love I have experienced in this life - and my only gauge. Well, the internal soul love for me, the human, was like that times infinity. Words are beyond limiting for the love I experience(d).
Today I spend hours basking in that self-love. I do not long for or want a steady romantic partner in my life. My time alone is too precious. I’m too busy wrapped up in being in love with me. (I know – BARF – but it’s true). Maybe one day I will experience a human relationship with someone else who has opened his own trap door to the ineffable love of soul. I won’t settle for less than that. Two sovereign beings sharing a life experience no matter how long it lasts is the only way to go for me.
Friends, your souls are calling. That longing you feel for love and recognition from lovers, friends and/or family – that’s really your soul calling you, requesting ever so patiently for you to finally start the internal relationship he/she/it has waited so very long for. Won’t you consider opening the door? I promise those external, sometimes mythical and mostly addictive relationships will not even compare to the amount of LOVE the soul has for you, the human.
This is what moving from the new age into the new energy is all about. You are sovereign. You are your own creator. You are complete.
Will it fix everything? NO.
Will you still have bad days? YES.
Will you become immediately enlightened? PROBABLY NOT.
Yet, life is a hell of a lot easier when you operate in the self-love between soul and human.
Self-love is essential in the journey to return to your true creator nature.
How can you be a master creator when you're not head over heels for yourself?
Published in March 2018, the Thirty Days of Self-Love book and interactive journal is available for FREE download at www.becomingsarh.com. That's how passionate I am about it.
Also, since writing this post so many years ago - the most read post of all time - I will update you that I have been in a beautiful relationship with another sovereign being for almost two years. We are loving sharing our realization with each other in this beautiful last life. We have no stories about our relationship. It doesn't take any work to maintain. We simply enjoy BEING together. There is no strife or struggle involved and never has been.
When we let go of the notion that God or the universe is involved in creating our life’s reality, it is both hugely freeing and an overwhelming responsibility. The cosmos become our canvas, and at the same time, we must accept that everything in our life we created.
Many of us, myself included, were introduced to our human soul's creator through religion, in which an all-knowing and all-caring God both brought us into existence and had a plan for us. This God rewarded us when we were good and punished us when we were bad. We were taught to pray to a God for what we did and did not want for others and ourselves. Unanswered prayers often left us desperate. 'I've been good, God. I deserve this. Why are you punishing me?' Once our tears dried, we rationalized that what we wanted wasn't in God's plan for us after all. Yet we were told, if we kept praying and kept being good, God's plan would unfold. Of course, this is quite an oversimplification, but if you're reading my blog, it's likely you have passed this phase years if not lifetimes ago.
For those us moving through the so-called spiritual awakening process, we begin to tap into this concept of the universe and realize a larger perspective of how things work, trading the concept of God in heaven for the concept of spirit. We trade the Ten Commandments for universal and karmic laws. We trade 'God willing' for 'if the stars align.' We trade 'I'll pray for you' to 'sending positive vibes your way.' We are told through numerous sources if we learn to control our human thoughts and emotions and maintain a high quality vibrational frequency, we can attract the life we want through co-creation with the universe. We began to pay attention to astrological and energetic reports and allow things like Mercury retrograde panic to affect our lives because we see the universe as more powerful, thus a ruler, over our soul's reality. Yet, I'd love to open up another option for you.
What if the soul was created exactly in the image of its creator, holding the same potential and authority to manifest anything and everything as God/ spirit/ source/ universe? What if the God we've been searching for actually lived within us? What if the universe we've been trying to co-create with existed infinitely within the soul? What if that's what Yeshua ben Joseph (Jesus) and Mary Magdalene (his wife and equal) meant when they said the kingdom is within? What if energy was an abundant, ever-present resource available at our disposal to create at all times without universal interference or permission?
For a fractional part of the population on Earth, these are facts. Like you and me, the folks who subscribe to this expanded state of awareness have gone through the similar leaps in consciousness. They have moved from the new age concepts of frequency, vibration and source/ universe dependence into the new energy, which is based on the concept of a soul's ability to self-govern and solely create without outside assistance. I know it can be hard at first to let go of the concept that God/ universe/ spirit is all caring and all-knowing and realize our creator does not give a shit what we do beyond soul self-expression. Yet, when you move beyond this and allow yourself to really feel the freedom it creates in your life, it will be easy to release this belief.
SOVEREIGNTY: THE SOUL'S SUPREME POWER OR AUTHORITY TO GOVERN ITSELF; AUTONOMY; INDEPENDENCE; FREEDOM.
Once we release the notion of an all knowing, all-caring God or universe, we release the chains of fate and destiny. We are no longer bound to the myth of a pre-established plan for ourselves. It allows us to release karmic ties that we are only bound to if we believe in their power. When we become aware of the self-governing nature of the soul, we get to choose whether or not something is ours. We get to choose what laws we are governed by.
I have met people who have stuck out unhealthy relationships, unrewarding jobs and even had children believing that they were paying a karmic debt. One quick Google search of universal and karmic laws will produce thousands of 'if you do this, this will happen' lists. When you self-govern, you can throw all of this junk out the window. You write your own story for your life and decide what laws apply to your self-governing soul.
For me, one of the first laws I threw out was that food was responsible for the size, shape and health of my body. In connection with the soul I said, 'Soul, I really need to be able to digest food properly and self-produce the exact right amount of nutrients that I need to have a healthy physical body.' I rejected the laws that said what I ate had a direct effect on my health. Instead, I decided to eat exactly what I wanted for the joy of it, not the physical need. After years of struggling with digestion and weight issues, they have all but disappeared. I no longer spend any energy stressing over nutrient ratios, calorie counts, etc. I don't spend money on supplements either. I trust in my communication with soul and body and the soul's ability to support a healthy physical body. Today I live in a healthy, light and strong body.
Another thing that happens when we step into our sovereignty is that we release the concept of things happening to us and become aware that we create everything. We create it for the experience of it (that's why you signed up for this human life!) and not to fulfill some grand plan by God/ the universe. We take these experiences and distill the wisdom obtained in the soul. This wisdom stays with us from lifetime to lifetime and in between physical existence. That’s why it's so fabulous to connect with soul - it truly is the wise master that resides within all of us.
Remembering our sovereign nature also changes our relationships with other human souls. With ever-present energy available at our disposal and in connection with the tidal wave of self-love that comes from the soul, we no longer have to fill ourselves up through relationships with others. The responsibility becomes ours and ours alone. No more feeding off romantic partners, family members, coworkers or friends. We fill ourselves up. When we open to the love the soul has for us, the human aspect, we no longer require others to fill us up. We no longer get upset and needy when others do not give us the energy we think we need from them, which comes from an often-subconscious view that energy is a limited resource.
That’s not to say we can’t enjoy human relationships with others. As I have made the transition into expanded consciousness and the new energy, my relationships have drastically improved and become exponentially more fulfilling. There is nothing more beautiful than two consciously sovereign souls enjoying a human connection with respect for each other's autonomy. When we release the need to feed off our partners and friends and begin to feed ourselves with the self-love from the soul, we unlock yet another level of consciousness and make space in our lives for master-level creations.
In a future post, we will explore more deeply human, spiritual and conscious relationships, including the new age concepts of twin flames and soul mates and how they operate in the new energy. Thank you, friends! Until then....