For me, the magic of human life resides in experiencing my soul’s expressions and also in experiencing the expressions of the Earth’s soul – also known as nature. As I set off on this most recent journey, it was a chance to witness the magic within me through the external interaction with nature. Yet, traveling across the highly populated State of California, I couldn’t help but run across some fellow humans on the journey.
If I haven’t said it before, I’m a huge fan of humans and all their parts, light and dark and the grey in between. Nature too contains all parts. A sunny day can quickly turn into a violent storm – the more wild you get, the crazier the storm can be. Though humans and nature are the same in containing all aspects, there’s usually a difference in their general approach to the dark. Humans tend to want to shut out the dark, resisting negative thoughts and unpleasant emotions. Yet, nature is unwaveringly unapologetic for its most destructive tendencies. Nature knows destruction is part of a cycle, part of the whole, part of the experience.
It’s only a mild example, but I was able to witness these aspects of nature and humans while traversing the 10-mile loop in the stunning Andrew Molera State Park. As I trudged along admiring the unparalleled beauty of the rugged Big Sur coast, I noticed several people turning back on the trail. Poison oak, they said. Tick danger, they said. Just like pushing away negative thoughts and emotions out of fear, these people were giving up a rare opportunity to witness the Big Sur beauty and the super private beach cove on the other side. Needless to say, Ollie and I trudged on through. The law of fear was not ours.
Unlike nature, humans - whether conscious or unconscious - consistently apologize for their dark parts through denial of negative thoughts and resistance to unpleasant emotions. I witnessed this firsthand as I sat around a fire with four beautiful souls my last night camping in the redwood forest. I observed their inner darkness raise up no matter how much Jameson they drank from the bottle. It became clear that none of them were aware of their own magnificence, including the beauty of their inner destructive nature they were so intent to drown. With each sip of whiskey, I watched as they further stuffed down the poisons and venoms of their so-called darkest parts, making them blind to the beauty of their inner human darkness. They could not see their own magic.
MAGIC is defined as the power of influencing the course of events by using mysterious or supernatural forces. But one needs to look no further than his or her own soul to create his or her own, unique magic in life. Magic is neither dark nor light. Like the soul, it knows no duality, no right or wrong, only what exists. For me, peacocks are living, breathing representation of magic. These beautiful creatures, which have inspired overwhelming fascination, actually exist within our physical reality for all to see – unlike unicorns who are reserved for those of us with vivid imaginations – to remind us that magic exists all around us.
For those of you who don’t know, peacocks dine on poisonous plants and venomous snakes. Many researchers believe they convert the poisonous fuel into the vibrant colors that appear in their legendary plumage. If you are open to it, the peacock can serve as a reminder that magic is all around you. You have not lost it; you only need to expand your awareness to include it. Like the swaggering peacock, we, as humans, can remember that the negative and destructive are in fact parts of who we are. We can remember that when we deny the dark, we are denying a large portion of ourselves. And in this resistance, those destructive parts can seep from the space under the door of the closet in which we shoved them only to have the door burst wide open in an explosive way.
Instead of avoiding our so-called negative thoughts and emotions, we can dine on them like the kings and queens we are. Like the peacock, we can take the poison and the venom, transmute it like the masters we are, and allow it to create radiance in our proverbial plumage like the azure and golden ringed ocellus that appear on the peacock above. Yes, you say, that sounds wonderful. Let’s integrate those negative thoughts and feelings we have been resisting for so long. But how? How to I do it?
Imagination is the ability to form and recognize new images and sensations from the soul, which are not perceived through senses such as sight, sound, taste, smell or touch. Like intuition, or gnost (inner knowing), imagination is a gift from the soul. It is an amazing way our soul can communicate with us, the human. But it’s not real, you say? Anyone who has had a vivid imagery-filled dream would beg to differ. Was that reality not as real as the one you’re living in right now? Why not bring the splendor of your dream state into your waking life?
Imagination is a sensual process rather than a logical or emotional one. Thoughts and emotions come from the human aspect of self, and imagination comes from the deepest part of self that exists in the absence of time and space and physical reality – the soul. Imagination is an excellent and innate tool for conscious creators. When we become aware of our own capabilities at the soul level, the deep sensual process of creating through imagination becomes an easy and delightful way to live life.
We can bring our dream/fantasy - state creations into this reality without the limits of human thoughts and emotions. Sure, the thoughts and emotions are still there, yet when we are in soul alignment, we can recognize them and witness their limits from an objective perspective. We do not deny them, yet we allow them to flow with a deep understanding of their true nature.
I recently was reminded of my own ability to transmute the poison like the majestic peacock and the magic of my imagination when I took quite a spill, splitting my head open and waking up in a pool of blood. I wish I had an exotic story of how it happened; yet I simply tripped in a hotel bathroom in the middle of the night. When I finally pulled myself off the ground, turned on the light, looked in the mirror and wiped enough blood away, I could see that my left eyebrow had been ripped open and was about two inches below where it should be. Yikes. Here’s where I get to use intensely what I show private clients each week.
First, I allowed my human to be human. With compassion, I witnessed my human panic, worry about her beauty, deny that the event even happened – the full range of human thoughts and emotions – for about 30 seconds before the soul was put back in charge. Soul said, ok, look up where the hospital is. One-half mile. Great. Put the dog in the car. Drive there. Hold that towel on your eye with pressure. Walk in. Stay calm. We got this. The human popped in again. We are not safe. This is a sign to go home, it screamed. Soul said, this is an experience for growth and we are going on that trip. Take a deep breath.
The human took a deep breath and remembered to trust the soul. Soul, the human said, I do not want to feel pain, can you please shut off the pain receptors there on my head? Check. Done in an instant. My soul was fully back in the the lead in the five minutes it took me to drive to the hospital. I had an excellent team of people helping me. I got to know all their names and about their families. There was still no pain as the trauma surgeon on call arrived. Dr. Vaughn sewed my left eyebrow back on as he shared his life story and we tried to come up with a better story than tripping in a hotel bathroom. I was glad to meet him and hear about his life. When the last stich was done, he declared, Now you have super powers! Mister, you have no idea, I thought. (Pictures below)
I said my goodbyes to the team in the St. George, Utah hospital. And two hours after my arrival, I was back in the hotel bed. Before drifting off to sleep I asked my soul, how could we make this heal faster with minimal scarring? My soul showed me an image of golden and sliver streaming light - almost in the form of a DNA strand - weaving the affected area back together. I sensed a very pleasant vibration in the area that maybe lasted one minute. Soul, I need the pain sensors in this area to stay turned off until it’s healed, and with an inner knowing that the message was received, I drifted off to sleep.
I woke up the next morning, feeling normal and vibrantly alive despite the four hours of sleep and still without pain. The magic capabilities of the soul, especially to self-heal, are endless if we open to them. Yes, the doctor and nurses help, but involving the soul in our healing process is the magic that brings it all together.
I was off to camp and experience fully Big Sur, and the wound never bothered me. Tuesday I had the stiches taken out - only four days later - and I knew my soul had heard my request. Only a faint scratch remains (photo below). It’s hard to believe from a human perspective because the muscle holding the brow up had been severed. I already feel it reconnected internally and am able to lift the brow again.
One friend commented, "What the eff? You heal like you're made of lava - regenerative as fuck."
Talk about magic! The human body when in communication with the soul has endless potentials and possibilities. I hope a tiniest bit of the scar will remain to remind me of the magic that occurs when we are in soul alignment. If anything, the venom of the sting of my head trauma has only made my proverbial peacock feathers grow brighter and bolder as I am reminded of the amazing ability of the soul to create and to use imagination to turn a so-called negative human experience into a beaming bouquet of soul radiance.
Integrating the poisons and venoms of our human aspects is not reserved for physical ailments. When you connect and align with soul, the poisons of destructive thoughts patterns and venoms of emotional turmoil can also be integrated. Isn't it time to stop being the bitch to your monkey mind and roller coaster emotions?
I invite all of you to go ahead and swallow the venom of your so-called negative emotions and the poison of your self-doubting, fearful thoughts just like the peacock. I invite you to allow the imagination of the soul to flow freely. Allow images to arise from soul that show you how to integrate that which no longer serves you. No thinking. No editing. There is no duality of right and wrong when using imagination.
But I can't hear my soul, you say. I don't see any images, you say. MAKE IT UP! That's what imagination is all about. If your soul could speak, what would it tell you? If you could see an image of the perceived dark parts integrating, what would it look like? If you don’t like it, create something else.
Paint it. Sing it. Write it. Dance it. Play it. Create like you did as a child. Use those imaginative expressions to create your reality. Allow your soul to shine. There’s magic inside all of us. There's magic surrounding all of us. We only need to take the blinders off to sense that which already exists. As conscious creators, we are in charge of our reality. Therein lies the magic. Happy creating, friends!
This story is part two in a series. Please read this one before proceeding. Part one was an introduction to my awakening story, which happened to be a kundalini experience. There are many different ways and no right way to wake up to your inner divinity. Below is an account of my experience and lessons learned throughout the process. I am by no means done in my self-actualization process. My consciousness expands with each hour. It is a real joy AND a huge pain in the ass AND I wouldn't have it any other way. This is from my book to be released in 2017, Becoming Sar'h. This is completely unedited...
First, a kundalini experience or any other type of awakening is not spiritual enlightenment. It’s more like opening the first door down a long, dark hallway to self-actualization. Like me, you may feel after an awakening that you have all the answers, but save yourself the heartache. This is just the beginning and the answers to your questions will change, the truth molding as your consciousness expands. Also, an awakening does not have to be as jarring as my experience. There were many subtle signs and messages I chose to ignore in my teens and 20s. As I child I was very in tune to subtle energies. However, I discarded them in favor of fitting in and as a teen and young adult, subscribing to the American dream instead. The kundalini experience was my soul saying, ‘Okay, we tried subtle. Here’s something you can’t ignore.’ I highly recommend paying attention to that voice deep within, no matter the volume in which it speaks to you. Ignoring it will not make it go away. It will show up time and time again. You can chose to allow with ease or wait until it screams at you. Your soul will evolve regardless. It's inevitable.
After my kundalini awakening experiences, I felt periods of extreme bliss, lasting anywhere between two minutes and up to three days. I remember after the October yoga class experience, lying in my hammock for three days, saying, ‘This is it!’ I thought I had found the answer everyone had been searching for, only to come crashing back down. When you move from the extreme highs that occur after any kind of awakening, returning to so-called normal can be a bit depressing. If you share any of these symptoms with a medical doctor, be ready to be put immediately into therapy and placed on some anti-depressant aimed at knocking you back into a limited human state. These drugs will suppress any soul evolution you have going on. I think there are exceptions with these SSRIs. However, for the majority, allowing the highs and lows to occur from an observer perspective is a better, more efficient way to go. If you take the drugs, you’ll have to get off of them eventually and start the whole process over again – this time trying to detox from a chemical cocktail. No fun! In the end, consulting with your soul – your gut instinct – on medical advice is the best way to go.
After my experiences at the end of 2013, I was blessed with two new friends – a retired married couple that was able to tell me what happened without placing a lot of dogma on the experience. They gave me a few books to read and allowed me to process my experience without trying to write my story for me. They held the space for me to know I was not losing my mind; it only appeared that way in the context of the limits of the modern world around me. Their input helped confirm my gut instinct that I was not going totally mad. My desire to share my experience – what worked and what rabbit holes I fell down – comes from my desire to do the same for you, providing a safe space or container for others like us going through similar experiences. I want you to know you are not going crazy. What’s happening is a radical return to your true creator nature.
Second, a kundalini or other type of awakening opens the doors to all kinds of abilities that can seem both like a gift and curse at the same time. At the end of 2013, I began to become aware of past lives. With more than 2,000 human lives behind me, I cannot remember the details of them all. However, I do remember significant ones for the lessons I need to remember in this life. It has been extremely helpful to remember how I chose to live in this one, but remembering past lives can also create confusion and frustration. For me, this was extremely true in the area of romantic relationships. I can meet someone and know their soul so intimately from past encounters both in past lives and in between lives. However, the human aspect of the soul has changed from those lives in which we interacted. And, if the human aspect is not in tune with the soul, that person cannot comprehend on a conscious level what is actually taking place. This creates a situation in which someone’s soul is telling me one thing and their human aspect is telling me another. Sounds like a dating nightmare, right? With friends and professional acquaintances, I do well with this. In matters of the heart, I am still learning to work in this expanded level of awareness, discerning between what my souls calls for and my heart yearns for.
Additionally, when you learn about your past lives, especially if you have been incarnating on the planet since the beginning of man, you have likely done some pretty horrific things to others. If you happen to become aware of this, to process it, you must find a radical state of forgiveness. You must allow the forgiveness of everything you have ever done to flood into every cell of your being and the space between the cells without trying to analyze anything. The brain is worthless in this process. You must remember that you came to Earth to experience all of it – the magnificent, the good, the bad and the horrific. It was part of your soul’s journey and experience here. It’s easy to get caught up trying to right the wrong and is a huge distraction from the self-actualization or enlightenment process. If you do not remember your past lives, I would say it’s not essential to the process, and in some cases, a blessing. The mind does not need to know details to allow the radical forgiveness to take place.
The awakening experience, for me, also opened the doors to be able to see, feel and communicate with beings not in physical bodies. If this happens for you, please know some of these beings have a wealth of information for you. Others want to feed off your energy and will shape shift to trick you. Others are relatives from the past who have great intentions but are blinded by where they sit in the near Earth realms – just to name a few situations!
The key to entertaining or brushing off these beings is discernment. The best way to use discernment is with deep, clear and open communication with your soul. You can find a simple exercise here to consciously begin a soul conversation if you have not done so already. For example: Soul, is this someone I should trust or entertain a conversation with or is it someone I should bypass? What are their intentions? The soul – the wise master that lives within – should be involved in each and every interaction, leading in the discernment process. It will save you so much time, energy and possibly grief.
DISCERNMENT: (N) The ability to see and understand people, things or situations clearly and with an expanded level of consciousness and in alignment with the soul.
(V) An act of perceiving something, someone or a situation through the lens of expanded consciousness and in alignment with the soul.
The greatest gift in this increased awareness was my ability to communicate with what are called ascended masters. An ascended master is souled being who has completed their cycle of human lifetimes on Earth, accepted their sovereignty and integrated every human expression of their soul with love and acceptance. They have completed the self-actualization process, also called enlightenment or ascension. Ascended masters include the famous Jeshua (Jesus), Mary Magdalene, Buddha and Kwan Yin (AKA the female Buddha) as well as about 10,000 other souls.
Ascended Master El Moyra was the first to begin to communicate with me and teach me various concepts. He was with me as a child, appearing an Indian man (his last incarnation on Earth), yet I did not know he was a master because he never introduced himself this way. After my awakening experience, he returned to be a friend, teacher and guide once again. I would sit in my empty home for hours seemingly talking to the wall yet really interacting with an old friend. Other masters would visit over the years, while I was awake and asleep. A great deal of what I teach and how I counsel is derived from my interaction with these enlightened souls. The rest is taught directly from my own soul. Anyone can work with ascended masters if they are open to it. I would add that discernment also applies to any interaction, even ones with ascended masters. You know at the soul level your own truth.
As mentioned before, the catch with opening this door is that it also opens for all sorts of non-physical beings – at first. When I first awakened, I often experienced dead people approaching me to see if I would give their living relative a message. Even though I have the capabilities to be a medium – someone who can speak with human souls in the near Earth realms – in this life I have chosen not to perform this service for people and prefer to help them with their natural soul evolution. Mediumship feels very new age to me and not in line with the new energy. Furthermore, just because someone is dead does not mean they have solutions to your life problems. Your soul does.
Also, when the door opened, it cleared the path for spooks, tricksters and other lower frequency beings. It was quite an adjustment for me to figure out how to deal with these situations. After developing a process and personal clearing, I’m pleased to say no low frequency beings have the ability to come into my energy field or physical space. If you need help with this, please do not hesitate to reach out. Practice discernment again and again and again.
Through this awakening process, I also became extremely psychic at first. This is a sometimes dangerous and always a distracting road to go down. What true psychics see are simply future possibilities and probabilities. The future is not written in stone, and every human soul has the ability to choose their experience and their path in every single moment. They may be more inclined to one choice, but the energies surrounding people and events are constantly in motion. The energy may be flowing one direction, and then it could shift suddenly. It’s best to simply observe these future possibilities and probabilities, taking them into consideration for what they are.
For fuck's sake, please don’t give anyone a psychic reading, especially if they are processing through the mind or sometimes worse, the heart, instead of the soul. It can really throw a person off and separate them from the divinity only found in the present moment and in alignment with the soul. It feels to me like such a low frequency activity, and let’s face it - it’s a practice as old and tired as the New Age.
As you move through the self-actualization process, those psychic abilities will likely begin to fade into the background as you journey within. Those psychic abilities will fade because all the possibilities become open when you are in your true creator nature. In my opinion, it is best to simply ride the waves and observe the future potentials in front of you, while consciously creating your own. This is what I mean by letting go of the concepts of fate and destiny from the hands of another creator (god or the universe). You are the sole/ soul creator!
Furthermore, with the awakening of life force energy within the body, my romantic relationships completely changed. Existing in my own sovereignty, I am not looking for someone to complete me but rather to share the embodied master experience with - someone also in communion with their inner divinity. I sometimes long to share with someone also in a sovereign state, in which there is no energy feeding on either end. Commitments like marriage also began to seem very old to me, although I respect those who have chosen marriage in this chapter of their soul journey, as it can be a magical human experience.
Additionally, normal human sexual interaction over time became completely unappealing. After my awakening and coming into alignment with my soul, my body began to crave a different physical experience - one that moves mountains and creates universes. Those not in tune with their soul usually do not have access to the type of vulnerability it requires to have a physically soul-baring interaction. This can create quite a bit of confusion at first and quite a bit of frustration later on. There will certainly be more on this in future writings as I could fill pages...
Another symptom of my awakening experience is that I became physically ill, and no doctor, healer or thousands of dollars spent on supplements could help. Check with your soul first, but I would advise not to waste your time or energy on any of these things. I will add the disclaimer that it is always good to consult with a doctor and undergo preventative screening. However, discernment, as with any situation, should be used when accepting their advice or prescriptions.
For the first year after the awakening, I could not even smell an animal product without feeling very ill. Every single food I ate, no matter how fresh, vegan or organic, made me sicker. My weight would go up and down dramatically not based on food or exercise. Now that I have learned to communicate with my soul and my body, it has become a manageable process. I enjoy many healthy days, although sometimes the sickness comes back in small, short waves. For me, communicating with the soul and body directly is the only way to quell the symptoms. This is also a service I offer in my private practice, guiding people through this internal communication process for self healing.
Post awakening, I also required much more sleep and an increased amount of alone time. If you can allow the 10- to 16-hour sleep, or whatever feels natural, it is a huge help for this process. There will be periods of great energy followed by extreme lethargy. Allowing whatever feels natural - if at all possible - will help relieve any symptoms that come with the awakening/ self-actualization/ ascension/ enlightenment process. Again, taking the time and space to be alone and in communion with self is a highly important.
In this life, I have been an extremely empathic person with memories as early as two years old feeling others thoughts and emotions. After the kundalini awakening, it increased even more. With greater frequency and depth, I could hear people’s thoughts, feel all their feelings, experience a natural disaster clear across the planet in my body and feel the collective consciousness surrounding worldly and astronomical events. It was debilitating and downright awful at times.
When I began to go within and communicate with the soul, I could still see, feel and hear all of these things, yet I could remove the attachment, choosing not to participate in it. Rather, I allow it to flow through me rather than resisting it. I’m more than relieved to say my empathy has turned into compassion for the human souls and world events around me. The thoughts and feelings of others and situations feel like background noise or radio static. Instead of empathy, I simply honor people at the soul level and hold compassion for the situation they have chosen to experience in this life. I see and feel worldly events from an expanded perspective and context. It is not always a cake walk, but it is a vast improvement from the first year of my awakening.
The most important lesson I learned from moving through my awakening experience into expanded consciousness was to end the external search and take up the internal relationship with the soul. Self-actualization/ enlightenment/ ascension/ whatever you want to call it is at its core an internal process. It does not rely on god or the universe to occur. Neither a so-called god nor the universe care what choices you make or what’s going on in your human life. See the post on sovereignty for more information. Instead, spirit is patiently waiting for you to remember your divinity is held within.
This self-actualization process is a conscious realization and complete understanding of the divinity that exists within your soul. You are the god you’ve been searching for all along. The universe lives inside your soul. If you want to talk to god or the universe, instead, go within. First, consider talking to your soul – the wise master that lives within you. Simple directions found here. Second, every time you want to say the word god or the universe, try replacing it with the word soul – your soul.
Thank you universe (SOUL) for creating this magnificent situation.
God (SOUL), please bring abundance into my life.
The universe (YOUR SOUL) is conspiring in your favor.
God (SOUL), why is this happening to me?
Please let me know how the exercises are going for you, either in the comments section below or in an email. Please note this post could not possibly contain all of the information I would like to distill. However, human souls are so very busy these days. If departing on the soul evolution train is calling to you from a deep space within, please consider trying the above practices. If you need assistance, please do not hesitate to reach out, friends.
I use the word conscious or new energy creator frequently - hence the website name - and many of you have asked what I mean by that. First, a conscious creator is someone who is aware of his or her true creator nature. We are all creator beings, creating with each breath we take, yet few are conscious of the process. Conscious creators know, and act accordingly, that their human soul was birthed to be a creator with the same authority and abilities as what we often refer to as god or the universe. They are aware, or conscious of, the self-governing nature of the soul - also called sovereignty, which was described in the last post.
A conscious creator chooses what laws - physical, karmic, universal, etc. - apply to them. They possess the conscious ability to discern between soul expression and experience and human needs and desires. They are able to meet the needs and desires of the human with ease and grace, while in full communication with, and expression of, the soul. Thus, conscious creators live an expansional and overwhelmingly fulfilling existence with a deep inner knowing that they create anything and everything in their reality.
Second, a conscious creator exists in the new energy, or an expansional state of awareness. They have realized that human thoughts, emotions, frequency and vibration do not matter in their creation process. A positive thought may feel better to the human self than a negative one. However, at the soul-level, a conscious creator knows that positive and negative thoughts are, at their core, the same thing - human thoughts - and that they have no effect on soul-level creations.
Further, conscious creators are aware that while it may feel good to the human aspect to vibrate at a high frequency, it is natural for a human's frequency to vary. In this state of expanded awareness, conscious creators create without trying to control thoughts, emotions and/or vibrational frequency. Rather, they create through a state of allowing. They allow the human to be human; they allow human thoughts and emotions to flow freely without attaching to them, assigning a story to them or efforting to change them.
Third, a conscious creator is aware, or conscious of, the ever-abundant creative energies available to them at anytime and in any place. They have become aware of the fact that time and space are not linear but expansional, rather. New energy creators trade the outdated concept that they, the human, move through time and space for the understanding that time and space move through them. In this view, the human soul is static and everything is moving to you and through you. When people return to their true creator nature and have this realization, they can allow these creative energies - more on energy types in a future post - to come to them, so that they can create with ease and with soul-level passion. The cosmos then become their canvas!
Finally, perhaps the most profound quality of a conscious creator is the complete awareness of and integration with the divinity that lives within. Conscious creators have discarded all outdated religious and/or new age views that have told us that we needed an external god or the universe involved in our creations. A new energy creator connects with and creates from the soul. They allow creative energies come to them. They allow the human self to consciously engage with the soul's creations, thus, allowing the human to witness its own divinity through those creations. And, that's what it is all about - the experience of self-witnessing the radical realization that we are the god we've been searching for all along.
If you would like to learn more about returning to your true creator nature, I offer in-person and Skype sessions. Simply fill out the contact form. If you have general questions, please post them in the comments section below. It's likely someone else has the same question. Thank you, friends. Until next week...