Since I was a little girl, the words ‘I will pray for you’ have made me recoil. Way beyond eye rolling, I could feel my apprehension to the phrase in a deep, guttural way, permeating every cell in my body with a resounding NO. When I heard myself speak these words - the few times I actually did - to meet societal expectations, I immediately felt like a fraud, and the gut sickness would get even worse.
I couldn’t comprehend in my mind why these words I had heard spoken so many times in my Catholic upbringing would bring me such disgust. Later and much to my surprise this concept would also exist in the spiritual groups - those in which I initially found refuge during my overwhelming awakening process. Eventually, the prayer circles and email chains even from my most awake friends would make it unbearable to attend gatherings or participate other ways. It was not something I could rationalize in my head only something I felt at the soul level.
Only in the last year have I been able to verbalize why I have such an adverse reaction to prayer. First, those words imply something is wrong with what you are going through. Growing up in Texas, when I heard someone say, ‘I will pray for you,’ it really meant you’re fucked up and hopefully God will fix you. The words were rooted in judgment and sometimes pity. At its worst, ‘I will pray for you’ might be what a bigoted neighbor said about the openly gay man living down the street. At its best, ‘I will pray for you’ comes from what appears to be a genuine concern. Either way, the phrase is completely unaligned with honoring and respecting the sovereignty of the soul – both our own and those around us.
A situation that seemingly calls for prayer is likely an extremely painful experience for the human aspect of yourself or others. However, when we tap into the soul – that wise master within – we can feel it is a place of no duality, and the human constructs of right, wrong, good and bad cease to exist. The soul has two desires – to express (create) and to experience those expressions (creations). Sometimes those creations are no fun for the human self AND simultaneously, they are creating radical evolution for the soul. Existing in an expanded awareness, or consciousness, can certainly help us process these events.
For example, I experienced extreme drug addiction from about the age of 17 to 20. It was an awful human experience – one that nearly killed me. I’m sure there were many people praying for me at the time, but I was not one of them. I knew deep within myself that I had created this situation, and I would be the one to decide to pull myself out of it – no external god needed. By sinking into the pits of despair and the possession of spirit and body created by addiction, I experienced what it was like to pull myself out of it through deep soul connection. Through this life event, I witnessed first-hand the divinity I held within. It changed everything about how I viewed myself and the world around me. I wouldn’t trade a moment of the suffering for the insight gained into who I AM. When I look back now, that addiction feels only like a soul experience – not one I can label with a judgment like bad or wrong.
Additionally, when my dad lay dying in a hospital room unconscious, you think I could have mustered a small prayer but I could not. I simply whispered in his ear, ‘Dad, I support you in whatever decision you make. If it is time to go, I understand. If you want to stay here, I will support that too in any way I can.’
As much as it felt like an amputation of who I was at the time to lose him, my duty as his soul family and human daughter was only to hold space for him to decide – to honor his soul’s sovereignty or autonomy with complete and total respect – and to make sure the doctors and nursing staff honored his wishes. Through witnessing my father’s ability to decide his life on his terms, I was able to witness once again my own divinity as he witnessed his.
Eventually, my father made the decision to get well enough to walk right out of that hospital when no one said he would. Later, he would leave the physical body on his own terms – not anyone else’s. The week he died he played golf and sat in his favorite chair never to wake up. It was his choice and his alone. If God or the universe was ever involved, it was only as a witness.
When we pray for people’s outcomes, we dishonor the choices their souls have made in this life. When we pray for ourselves, it takes us out of our true creator nature and implies we are not in charge of our own lives. When we pray to God and say I am lost; I am stuck in life, we create lost, stuck energy. Instead we might say: soul, bring forth the answers that are already there. If you are listening and open, your soul will provide answers – often beyond the span of your imagination.
When we pray for world peace, we put out there that there is something wrong with the world and energy follows. We fail to see the consciously expanded view of what is going on around us. When we pray for peace, we are judging. We are in duality. Could we not simply state as one of my favorites Adamus St. Germain says – All is well in all of creation? Let us allow it to be so.
In our modern world, we are not only asked to pray in person but online too. How often are we asked to type ‘Amen’ to cure someone’s cancer? I promise you neither God nor Jesus is in heaven counting likes and amens on Facebook. They are honoring the human soul who is going through a soul experience.
If someone does ask for our assistance, instead of praying for him or her, we can ask for light to be shed on a possibility or answer they may not consciously see. By saying, I illuminate the possibility for XX to get well, we are still honoring his or her sovereignty and autonomy in choosing his or her own path. We are simply assisting in bringing possibilities that already exist into plain view.
Instead of praying for someone, we also can celebrate his or her soul’s journey. That homeless man on the street – let’s celebrate that his soul has chosen a path that will give him many soul experiences, teaching him a great deal. That woman suffering an illness – let’s celebrate that her soul is truly learning what it means to live. That politician screaming from the pulpit – let’s celebrate that while their human is trying to gain power, their soul is learning about the true powerlessness that exists on this planet.
Instead of praying for someone who is dying, why can’t we celebrate the life they have left and the amazing journey they are about to embark on upon leaving the physical body? Is there no greater gift we can give to our fellow humans and loved ones than to honor and respect their soul’s ability to chose in complete autonomy what it is they wish to express and experience?
That’s why I’m an advocate of compassion over prayer. Compassion is total acceptance and allowing of what is. It is not trying to change anything about another’s situation. Compassion includes absolute honor and respect for the soul-level choices of others. It is not saying: this person must get well, never suffer, must have money and a house to be happy, etcetera. It is saying my soul honors the journey of your soul in the deepest way possible. There is no sympathy or empathy involved.
God, spirit, the universe, or whatever term you wish to use is never going to sweep into your life or the lives of others and make everything better, especially when your requests are not in line with the sovereignty of the souls involved. Instead spirit is watching you, waiting patiently for you to figure out that you are the sole creator of your journey. As spirit witnesses you express from the soul and experience those creations, it too is reminded of its true creator nature. And if you can step back far enough to get the expanded view, you too might see the indescribable beauty of the mess we call human life.
Thanks, friends, for creating a safe space for me to share my journey and for sharing yours on my Facebook page.