DAY 30: SURFING INTO ENLIGHTENMENT

​After my father passed away in 2012, I found the Avett Brothers - an Americana band with an incredible sound and message. Something in their music spoke so deeply to my soul, and it quickly became my medicine. The music told me there was so much more to life if I simply opened my eyes. I couldn't fathom what peace, what happiness looked like then. I only knew deep down inside of me that something so much more fulfilling existed in this life for me. Five years later my eyes are open, like yours. Please listen to the song (maybe sing along with the lyrics copied below for you) before continuing.
​
FEBRUARY SEVEN 
I went on the search for something true. I was almost there when I found you. Sooner then my fate was wrote.
Perfectly it slit my throat And beads of lust released into the air. When I awoke you were standing there.

I was on the mend when I fell through. The sky around was anything but blue. I found as I regained my feet.
A wound across my memory. That no amount of stitches would repair. But I awoke and you were standing there.

There's no fortune at the end of the road that has no end. There's no returning to the spoils.
Once you've spoiled the thought of them. There's no falling back asleep.Once you've wakened from the dream.
Now I'm rested and I'm ready, I'm rested and I'm ready to begin. I'm ready to begin.

I went on the search for something real. Traded what I know for how I feel. But the ceiling and the walls collapsed Upon the darkness I was trapped. And as the last of breath was drawn from me. The light broke in and brought me to my feet.

***

Yesterday, I awoke still in the fog of consciousness, only viewing the ten yards in front of me. Then in the continuous state of total relaxation the fog cleared. My neighbor who I have been having a sweet, easy relationship with and I went surfing. He's a fantastic surfer and in so much better surf shape than me, so of course, I tired out before he was finished with his surf session. 

Riding my last wave into shore, I thought about the last thirty days and where it all started. The idea came from a private session I gave channeling Master M for a person choosing the embodied enlightenment experience, in which he said self-love is synonymous with enlightenment and vice versa. Enlightenment is not something you do, you can only BE enlightenment. Now this makes sense to all of us on some level, but as you are aware it's quite another to exist in it.

As I drug my surfboard to shore, I began to think about how time and space moved through me on the trip. One day blended into the next. There were no sleepless nights, or if I was awake early, it was not an annoyance. When I needed company, friends showed up. When I needed silence, the birds muffled their chatter. When I needed money, clients signed up. When I ran out of gas, it was in front of a station. When I needed to keep my human self out of the way, I became drowsy. When I wanted a nice meal, someone bought me one... 

I sensed into the notion - IT COMES TO YOU - as a sense of the soul. Senses are our ways of perceiving reality beyond human thoughts, emotions, and the five human senses. IT COMES TO YOU is not so much an aha! moment - it's not a staccato note. IT COMES TO YOU is more of a gently rolling wave to catch and ride effortlessly on your surfboard. It flows, and when you catch it, you don't even think about, "Wow, I caught this wave," because it will take you out of the moment and joy is simply assumed and experienced.

The IT COMES TO YOU sense is a given when you exist in the self-love space, perceiving yourself through the lens of love. The IT COMES TO YOU sense is no longer marked by external signs but internal knowing, or gnost. Gnost is no longer a simple sensation; it is a richly creative sense - the ability to create from nothing. Creation is the only action of spirit.
 
Sensing into this notion, I went back to the topic of money, which I covered in the self-love journey. It seemed so strange a concept in the context of being. You don't even need money stockpiled anymore, as things show up exactly when you need them. You don't need anything in literal or figurative storage. Experiences unfold without effort like a wave landing on sandy shores. The wave doesn't need a sign that says, "Hey, crash here," with a little arrow pointing down. The wave just knows where it is going to crash on shore. It is inevitable. It is innate.

When I found a nice spot to lie on the beach, I pulled down my wet suit and laid upon the hot rocks to warm up my back, as the ocean was still quite cold. I fell quickly into a deep sleep, yet was still lucid, and then a NEW sensation rolled over my body. It felt similar to wholeness, a little like completeness, yet so much grander. Whatever it was felt fantastic. Ecstasy without the intensity. Depth without over stimulation. Orgasmic with no longing for climax.

I took some more deep breaths. I thought about the Avett Brother's song. The one that carried me through the toughest of times. I allowed the notes to flow through my body. Still dreaming, still lucid. Then I could feel my man friend paddling into shore. With out looking up, I sensed his energy coming closer. I began to 'wake up', right when the lyric played through my body of consciousness, "And as the last of breath was drawn from me. The light broke in and brought me to my feet."

My human drew its last breath; it integrated. The death Sar'h talked about in her last POST, finally came into my total awareness. My master self was not standing there when I awoke, like in the lyrics. My master self no longer hovered over me like a ghost, or guide, or angel. My master self was in me. We were one and the same. Master self, in this body. Not separate. Aligned. I sensed a million eyes balls covering my body. Only the eyeballs each represented senses, ways of perceiving and creating in an ineffably expansional state.

The realization rolled in. I AM ENLIGHTENMENT. Enlightenment is all the senses at once. The NEW in all of this was that I did not fear the sensation would leave me. It has come and gone over the last year and a half. It used to leave me screaming and crying when it left. It left me longing for more and more, and I tried to force it, to recreate it in the old, familiar ways.

"There's was no fortune at the end of the road that has no end," the song lyrics floated in me. All this time I was searching for a way of being. Being can't be discovered. It can't be dug out of the ground or chased around the globe. Being can only be sensed. It is a way of perceiving the grandness of YOU, through the lens of love.

And for the first time ever, I knew the sensation wasn't going to leave me. I had crossed over the threshold never to return. Perceiving myself through the lens of love was the method I CHOSE to bring me here. It was my way of stepping into the SENSE of BEING.

The lifetimes-long question "Who is Sar'h?" answered itself. Sar'h is the consciousness of being, of embodied being. Enlightenment becomes too confining a word for this experience. Sar'h stories, Lauren's stories, Enola's stories - all just an act of consciousness. All ways to play from the center of being.

***

If you would like to read the full 30-Days of Self Love journey, you have two options:
1) Join us on PATREON, where we will also be starting a 12-week journey into the senses on July 3, 2017.
2) Pre-order the e-book, 30-Days of Self-Love from the STORE. This will include an edited and expanded version of the journey and will have a place for you to journal in responses to prompted questions. I chose to do it in e-book format so I could include color photos from our trip - something that is much too expensive to print. Master M will also be adding his information to each chapter.

Easy ways to support New Energy Creator:
1) YouTube Channel Change - New Energy Creator had to move to a new CHANNEL to meet business requirements, and no subscriptions transferred. We need 100 subscribers to keep it going. If you have a minute, please go to our channel, and hit subscribe. 
2) If you are an avid reader of the blog and you can spare $1/ month, you can simply pledge $12 for the year HERE. All proceeds go to keeping the website running, never my personal expenses.

Thank you everyone for your energetic support in all forms. Oh yeah, our BIG NEWS...New Energy Creator is growing and will be moving from Colorado to California this year. We are creating a center that will focus on how to live life in the embodied enlightenment experience - a center for BEING. More to come in the next newsletter. Stay tuned, and hang on to your hats!

In the senses of love and gratitude,

Lauren, Ollie, Sar'h & Master M

This is an excerpt from the 30 Days of Self Love experience happening over on the New Energy  Creator Patreon page. Sar'h says there are certain keys to unlock conscious creativity - self-love, operating beyond duality, and using gravity in your creative favor. The series focused on the first. Thanks everyone who has joined us for the ride as we finish up the last five days. The next series will focus on "The Creation Senses: Moving Beyond the Senses of Perception." Anyone is welcome to join our Patreon community at anytime. We're having some excellent discussions over there in a safe, private space. Here's Day 25...P.S. It's not been all love and light - promise....

For me, the journey of self-love or perceiving myself and my surroundings through the lens of love has been all about getting to know myself. I do not experience self-love as being about 'loving' your imperfect body or personality traits; it is so much deeper than that, as you are aware. 

When you are in the deep end of awareness, when you find you are bathing in the self-love sense, what your body looks like, your human personality, your relationships, your bank account all seem like tiny details in the GRANDNESS of your being. It's all a distraction from the space of wholeness.

In my experience, I did not discover my own grandness until I had the courage to get to know myself. Not just my human self, but all of the planets, stars, and dark matter that make up the universe of me. 

I'd like to think there's plenty left to explore because I don't want to leave this experience. Ever. It feels way too fantastic. Should I run out of universe to explore, I will create another just to keep this energetic orgasm flowing. 

The orgasmic experience, for me, lies in the sweetness of experiencing wholeness, in sensing the completeness of my being. It is remembering the FRUIT OF THE ROSE - which can not be described in words, only experience sensually.
It's not that I had to summon the courage to explore the depths of SELF. I didn't need will power to have the audacity to get to know all of mySELF. It came from a place of deep passion, an innate desire of the soul to experience self-love in its most expanded state. 

I cleared my path to completeness through the song of self-awareness, with staccato notes of  revelations and realizations, that my human self followed when there was nothing left to guide us.

Once I caught the bug - once the pilot light of passion for SELF was lit - nothing else mattered. I became singularly focused on SELF. I began to desire my own essence more than I ever longed for another person. It was strange to witness the internal shift. Being with another person was nice for a time. Yet, it pales in comparison to the sense of union I am experiencing now within me.

This sense of love, of union, of awareness, is GRANDER than anything I've ever experienced in my lifetimes on this planet, maybe anywhere else in all of creation.

Robert Frost said "Earth's the right place for love; I don't know where it's likely to go better." I've read that line a million times in my life. It is from my favorite poem, "Swinger of Birches." I couldn't comprehend it until now, yet as a teenager, I knew the poem held the secrets of the universe within its words.

Now these are just words backed up by senses, filled with passion, the scent of the rose placed between each sentence. Sar'h sings the notes of love in my ears. Perhaps you hear it too?  Perhaps you too can feel the passion ignited within yourSELF - a fire that's been burning for ages. 

"I'd like to get away from earth awhile
And then come back to it and begin over.
May no fate willfully misunderstand me
And half grant what I wish and snatch me away
Not to return. Earth's the right place for love:
I don't know where it's likely to go better.
I'd like to go by climbing a birch tree,
And climb black branches up a snow-white trunk
Toward heaven, till the tree could bear no more,
But dipped its top and set me down again.
That would be good both going and coming back.
One could do worse than be a swinger of birches."

Full poem can be found here: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems-and-poets/poems/detail/44260  

​Thank you to everyone who has been following along on the blog. This is the last post that will be public for the 30 Days of Self Love series. The rest can be found on PATREON. Posts will be private for subscribers, which is nice because the comments and interaction between Patrons will be private among like-conscious souls. Join us over there for daily interaction and/ or stay tuned on the New Energy Creator blog for more from Sar’h of Alexandria per reader requests.
 
I will admit yesterday morning I had a moment where I felt I should not post so intimately in a public space and for 30 days no less. What was I thinking?! The notion crossed my mind that it wasn’t safe. Furthermore, what did I have to say that was worthy of your attention? And worse, what if someone read what I was writing and judged/ persecuted me for it. These are normal feelings that come up for all of us when we put ourselves out there.
 
It gets easier as time moves on. For example, the week that Becoming Sar’h: Book One was released I had a nightmare about being ‘found out’ every night for a week. Yesterday the ‘it’s not safe’ feeling lasted for about twenty seconds. That I can manage. The week was hell. Too bad, I told the aspect, the book is coming out! While I was letting the self-doubt voice/ aspect do its thing yesterday, my soul voice – the one I call Sar’h – stepped in.
 
“It’s not what you write, Lauren. That doesn’t matter. It is the permission to be you no matter what. You can ramble on or whatever you feel like. It’s the exercise of sharing who you are everyday that matters.”
 
This experience is something I shared with a close friend, and she encouraged me to write it here. No matter how far you go putting yourself out there. No matter how much and how many times you have integrated that doubtful aspect. It will come up again and again.
 
What changes is how you respond to it. Now, it’s sort of like a guidepost that I’m headed in the ‘right’ direction in being who I AM. When I’m creating big, like publishing a book, the voice tends to get louder. Don’t share that; we’ll be burned at the stake for it; we’ll be hung on a cross for it… And we know that at one time that was a valid concern for all of us, AND it no longer applies to what we are creating. Thank goodness for the New Energy.
 
Self-love is not only about honoring our experiences and sensing the wholeness of who we are. It is also about allowing all parts of ourselves to be exposed in an act of self-love, and I encourage everyone here to do it. Even if you already out there, sharing you, take it to the next level of intensity. Whether it’s sharing even more with a friend, writing in more depth, whatever being more of you entails, do it.
 
I watched Alice in Wonderland the other day – the Tim Burton version. In it there is a great dialogue between Alice and Mad Hatter, brilliantly played by Johnny Depp. If you haven’t seen it, you must.
 
“You’re not the same as you were before. You were much more muchier; you’ve lost your muchness,” said Mad Hatter to Alice.
 
“My muchness,” Alice asked.
 
“In there (he points to her heart/core), something is missing,” Mad Hatter answered.
 
How can we be in our own ‘muchness’ even more than we already are? I believe finding out is an act of self-love, a step toward perceiving our grandness in even more awareness.
 
So now I’m going to take you on a few twists and turns. Please hang on. I promise it will be worth it.
 
The night I slept in the hotel in Bend, Oregon – I have totally lost track of days, and I gave up trying to remember – I had an intense dream that I was four months pregnant. I have had these dreams before, when I am about to birth a new awareness within myself.
 
One of the craziest, most intense of these stories happened in 2014. I signed up to go on a trip to Egypt with a group, with people I had never met. Prior to signing up for the trip, I had a dream in which I was pregnant and the doctor told me my due date was April 30th. It didn’t make sense at the time, yet after I signed up for the trip I realized it would end April 30th, which is the day I had scheduled to fly home.
 
For context, the trip began in Cairo, included a week on a sailboat on the Nile, and then we went to Jordan to the Dead Sea and to Petra. Then I was to return home to Austin, Texas. However, about a week before I left for the Egypt trip I had another dream.
 
In the dream, I went to the doctor and said, “Hey, I’m way past my due date and this baby will not come out.” I was panicked in the dream. The doctor said, “I know it’s uncomfortable but just wait four extra days. The baby will be born on May 3rd.” I had no idea what this meant but knew enough to make a mental note of it.
 
That previous November (2013) I was attending a friends wedding in Lima, Peru. We were at a museum when I saw a painting of a woman and a wheel. There was something amazing going on with the woman in the painting. I knew her. It was totally insane to me at the time to ‘know’ a woman in a painting in a museum. Now it’s totally normal. I often giggle at pictures of the Last Supper. Oh hey, I know all those people, but this was way before I could giggle at such a thing.
 
When I got closer, I saw the painting was of Saint Catherine of Alexandria. Some of you may not know who that is, so hang on for her story, and then I’ll get back to mine…
 
Please note for the sake of time, parts of the story were lifted from Catholic websites who honor her. I intend to write her full story from a channeled perspective, as we have had many conversations, when time permits. It’s been on my list for a while now. Yet that day is not today.
 
Catherine (picture below) was born in the Egyptian city of Alexandria - that’s also where Sar’h, Yeshua and Mary Magdalene’s daughter was born - in the late 200s AD to wealthy parents. As she grew up, Catherine was known throughout the city for her beauty and her preference to spend her time reading and studying, which was not the norm for a young woman.
 
You see when Catherine was a child, she had a vision of the Madonna and child, and she became gripped with what she considered the true teachings of Yeshua. From the age of 14 to 17, Catherine ‘converted’ hundreds of people to the ways of Yeshua, who had lived about 300 years before her.
 
Now it so happened that Emperor Maxentius made a visit to Alexandria, which was part of his empire. While he was there, he heard about Catherine’s beauty and intelligence and was quite disturbed by how many people she converted, as he was not a Christian ruler. He commanded his servants to bring her to meet him. As soon as he saw her, he decided he wanted to marry her even though he already had a wife. Worse, he wanted to control her.
 
Catherine was not going to have it. She told Maxentius, who worshipped the ancient Roman gods, that it would never happen. She was in a sacred marriage with Yeshua, she said referring to her dedication to deeply understanding ‘the kingdom is within.’
 
Maxentius then gathered together a great number of teachers and professors who also believed in the Roman gods. He told them to persuade Catherine that her Christian faith was nonsense. She listened to them for a while. Next she started answering their points convincingly. The result was far from changing Catherine’s mind. These wise men began to change their minds. Catherine had successfully converted all the scholars to Yeshua’s teachings at the young age of sixteen.
 
The emperor was not only angry; he was alarmed. He gave orders that Catherine should be put to death in a horrible way. He had a large wheel made, with sharp blades set into the outside rim. Then Catherine was to be tied around this edge, and the blades were intended to cut her to pieces as the wheel was rolled along.
 
It didn’t go according to plan. When Catherine was bound to the wheel, it broke and the blades flew off in all directions, wounding the soldiers who were supposed to be putting her to death. Some people say all this was caused by lightning striking the wheel. Whether that is true or not, Catherine’s executioners didn’t try making another wheel. They beheaded her at once.
 
As the story goes, a flight of angels then descended from above and carried her body to Mount Sinai, where God had given the Ten Commandments to Moses. Even today there is a monastery named for Saint Catherine on Mount Sinai. Many people still celebrate Saint Catherine of Alexandria’s Feast Day on November 25, which was her birthday – and Enola’s birthday – and my/ Lauren’s due date…yet that whole story is too much for now but will be included in Book Two…Joan of Arc also credits Saint Catherine with visiting her and giving her guidance in her life. Again, more of that will be included in one of the many books I have going…
 
OK, so what’s all this have to do with May 3rd, and the dream that declared it my due date? Well, several days into the Nile sailing portion of the trip I heard the Egyptian guide and a new friend, Anne, talking of Saint Catherine, and I suggested we go to Mount Sinai after the group portion of the trip was done. They agreed. My new flight home would be no other day than May 3rd, which is also my dad’s death date but I digress.
 
Anne and I stayed past the group trip and made our way with the Egyptian guide to Mount Sinai. We not only climbed Mount Sinai, half on camel and half on foot, we also visited the Saint Catherine monastery. That night after the long journey, I fell into a deep sleep.
 
There in the dream state I reclaimed part of my soul. I reclaimed what I now know to be an aspect - the martyr. Catherine came home. She was no longer out there lobbying for the true teachings of Yeshua. That chapter of our soul journey and like many others was complete.
 
There is so much here to write, and I will do it in the many books that sit inside me waiting to be birthed. But today, I sit here – figuratively four months pregnant – nurturing my physical vessel – my human body – and nurturing my body of consciousness – which contains all aspects and facets of SELF – and wait patiently for whatever creation is on its way. If that’s not self-love, I don’t know what is.
 
One final note, since I began this 30 Days of Self Love journey, I have turned into even more of a crier than I already was. I find myself in buckets of tears at least twice a day if not more. It’s not sad tears but something entirely different. Anyone else crying tears of joy, relief, love, or whatever the hell this is? I would love to hear your comments on any of the above topics or anything addressed in the past week. Oh hell, just share anything you want. I’d love to hear from you.
 
Giant Texan Hug,
 
Lauren and the lot