Thank you to everyone who has been following along on the blog. This is the last post that will be public for the 30 Days of Self Love series. The rest can be found on PATREON. Posts will be private for subscribers, which is nice because the comments and interaction between Patrons will be private among like-conscious souls. Join us over there for daily interaction and/ or stay tuned on the New Energy Creator blog for more from Sar’h of Alexandria per reader requests.
I will admit yesterday morning I had a moment where I felt I should not post so intimately in a public space and for 30 days no less. What was I thinking?! The notion crossed my mind that it wasn’t safe. Furthermore, what did I have to say that was worthy of your attention? And worse, what if someone read what I was writing and judged/ persecuted me for it. These are normal feelings that come up for all of us when we put ourselves out there.
It gets easier as time moves on. For example, the week that Becoming Sar’h: Book One was released I had a nightmare about being ‘found out’ every night for a week. Yesterday the ‘it’s not safe’ feeling lasted for about twenty seconds. That I can manage. The week was hell. Too bad, I told the aspect, the book is coming out! While I was letting the self-doubt voice/ aspect do its thing yesterday, my soul voice – the one I call Sar’h – stepped in.
“It’s not what you write, Lauren. That doesn’t matter. It is the permission to be you no matter what. You can ramble on or whatever you feel like. It’s the exercise of sharing who you are everyday that matters.”
This experience is something I shared with a close friend, and she encouraged me to write it here. No matter how far you go putting yourself out there. No matter how much and how many times you have integrated that doubtful aspect. It will come up again and again.
What changes is how you respond to it. Now, it’s sort of like a guidepost that I’m headed in the ‘right’ direction in being who I AM. When I’m creating big, like publishing a book, the voice tends to get louder. Don’t share that; we’ll be burned at the stake for it; we’ll be hung on a cross for it… And we know that at one time that was a valid concern for all of us, AND it no longer applies to what we are creating. Thank goodness for the New Energy.
Self-love is not only about honoring our experiences and sensing the wholeness of who we are. It is also about allowing all parts of ourselves to be exposed in an act of self-love, and I encourage everyone here to do it. Even if you already out there, sharing you, take it to the next level of intensity. Whether it’s sharing even more with a friend, writing in more depth, whatever being more of you entails, do it.
I watched Alice in Wonderland the other day – the Tim Burton version. In it there is a great dialogue between Alice and Mad Hatter, brilliantly played by Johnny Depp. If you haven’t seen it, you must.
“You’re not the same as you were before. You were much more muchier; you’ve lost your muchness,” said Mad Hatter to Alice.
“My muchness,” Alice asked.
“In there (he points to her heart/core), something is missing,” Mad Hatter answered.
How can we be in our own ‘muchness’ even more than we already are? I believe finding out is an act of self-love, a step toward perceiving our grandness in even more awareness.
So now I’m going to take you on a few twists and turns. Please hang on. I promise it will be worth it.
The night I slept in the hotel in Bend, Oregon – I have totally lost track of days, and I gave up trying to remember – I had an intense dream that I was four months pregnant. I have had these dreams before, when I am about to birth a new awareness within myself.
One of the craziest, most intense of these stories happened in 2014. I signed up to go on a trip to Egypt with a group, with people I had never met. Prior to signing up for the trip, I had a dream in which I was pregnant and the doctor told me my due date was April 30th. It didn’t make sense at the time, yet after I signed up for the trip I realized it would end April 30th, which is the day I had scheduled to fly home.
For context, the trip began in Cairo, included a week on a sailboat on the Nile, and then we went to Jordan to the Dead Sea and to Petra. Then I was to return home to Austin, Texas. However, about a week before I left for the Egypt trip I had another dream.
In the dream, I went to the doctor and said, “Hey, I’m way past my due date and this baby will not come out.” I was panicked in the dream. The doctor said, “I know it’s uncomfortable but just wait four extra days. The baby will be born on May 3rd.” I had no idea what this meant but knew enough to make a mental note of it.
That previous November (2013) I was attending a friends wedding in Lima, Peru. We were at a museum when I saw a painting of a woman and a wheel. There was something amazing going on with the woman in the painting. I knew her. It was totally insane to me at the time to ‘know’ a woman in a painting in a museum. Now it’s totally normal. I often giggle at pictures of the Last Supper. Oh hey, I know all those people, but this was way before I could giggle at such a thing.
When I got closer, I saw the painting was of Saint Catherine of Alexandria. Some of you may not know who that is, so hang on for her story, and then I’ll get back to mine…
Please note for the sake of time, parts of the story were lifted from Catholic websites who honor her. I intend to write her full story from a channeled perspective, as we have had many conversations, when time permits. It’s been on my list for a while now. Yet that day is not today.
Catherine (picture below) was born in the Egyptian city of Alexandria - that’s also where Sar’h, Yeshua and Mary Magdalene’s daughter was born - in the late 200s AD to wealthy parents. As she grew up, Catherine was known throughout the city for her beauty and her preference to spend her time reading and studying, which was not the norm for a young woman.
You see when Catherine was a child, she had a vision of the Madonna and child, and she became gripped with what she considered the true teachings of Yeshua. From the age of 14 to 17, Catherine ‘converted’ hundreds of people to the ways of Yeshua, who had lived about 300 years before her.
Now it so happened that Emperor Maxentius made a visit to Alexandria, which was part of his empire. While he was there, he heard about Catherine’s beauty and intelligence and was quite disturbed by how many people she converted, as he was not a Christian ruler. He commanded his servants to bring her to meet him. As soon as he saw her, he decided he wanted to marry her even though he already had a wife. Worse, he wanted to control her.
Catherine was not going to have it. She told Maxentius, who worshipped the ancient Roman gods, that it would never happen. She was in a sacred marriage with Yeshua, she said referring to her dedication to deeply understanding ‘the kingdom is within.’
Maxentius then gathered together a great number of teachers and professors who also believed in the Roman gods. He told them to persuade Catherine that her Christian faith was nonsense. She listened to them for a while. Next she started answering their points convincingly. The result was far from changing Catherine’s mind. These wise men began to change their minds. Catherine had successfully converted all the scholars to Yeshua’s teachings at the young age of sixteen.
The emperor was not only angry; he was alarmed. He gave orders that Catherine should be put to death in a horrible way. He had a large wheel made, with sharp blades set into the outside rim. Then Catherine was to be tied around this edge, and the blades were intended to cut her to pieces as the wheel was rolled along.
It didn’t go according to plan. When Catherine was bound to the wheel, it broke and the blades flew off in all directions, wounding the soldiers who were supposed to be putting her to death. Some people say all this was caused by lightning striking the wheel. Whether that is true or not, Catherine’s executioners didn’t try making another wheel. They beheaded her at once.
As the story goes, a flight of angels then descended from above and carried her body to Mount Sinai, where God had given the Ten Commandments to Moses. Even today there is a monastery named for Saint Catherine on Mount Sinai. Many people still celebrate Saint Catherine of Alexandria’s Feast Day on November 25, which was her birthday – and Enola’s birthday – and my/ Lauren’s due date…yet that whole story is too much for now but will be included in Book Two…Joan of Arc also credits Saint Catherine with visiting her and giving her guidance in her life. Again, more of that will be included in one of the many books I have going…
OK, so what’s all this have to do with May 3rd, and the dream that declared it my due date? Well, several days into the Nile sailing portion of the trip I heard the Egyptian guide and a new friend, Anne, talking of Saint Catherine, and I suggested we go to Mount Sinai after the group portion of the trip was done. They agreed. My new flight home would be no other day than May 3rd, which is also my dad’s death date but I digress.
Anne and I stayed past the group trip and made our way with the Egyptian guide to Mount Sinai. We not only climbed Mount Sinai, half on camel and half on foot, we also visited the Saint Catherine monastery. That night after the long journey, I fell into a deep sleep.
There in the dream state I reclaimed part of my soul. I reclaimed what I now know to be an aspect - the martyr. Catherine came home. She was no longer out there lobbying for the true teachings of Yeshua. That chapter of our soul journey and like many others was complete.
There is so much here to write, and I will do it in the many books that sit inside me waiting to be birthed. But today, I sit here – figuratively four months pregnant – nurturing my physical vessel – my human body – and nurturing my body of consciousness – which contains all aspects and facets of SELF – and wait patiently for whatever creation is on its way. If that’s not self-love, I don’t know what is.
One final note, since I began this 30 Days of Self Love journey, I have turned into even more of a crier than I already was. I find myself in buckets of tears at least twice a day if not more. It’s not sad tears but something entirely different. Anyone else crying tears of joy, relief, love, or whatever the hell this is? I would love to hear your comments on any of the above topics or anything addressed in the past week. Oh hell, just share anything you want. I’d love to hear from you.
Giant Texan Hug,
Lauren and the lot
30 Days of Self Love
Day Six: Purification vs. Awareness
Thank you to everyone who has supported New Energy Creator on Patreon. Your support is appreciated beyond words. For those of you just joining us, the first week of this 30-day series will be on the blog and then only on Patreon after that. You can access all 30 days by pledging $1/ month or $12/year. I hope you will consider becoming a Patron of New Energy Creator, receiving exclusive content and supporting the massive amount of content produced through the site. Another benefit is that the stories are only shared with a private group starting on Day Eight. That way you can interact/ comment and know like-awareness souls are the only ones reading it...I hope you'll come over and play in the deep end with us.
The rain returned yesterday, and it was a perfect day to spend in rest and relaxation. If you’ve read my book, you know that when Master M reintroduced himself to me in October of 2013 – it’s strange to think that was only 3.5 years ago – one of the first things he said to me was I needed to BE, not DO.
Let’s just say since then, I have become a lot more accustomed to the being and now the doing is the part that feels some resistance. For example yesterday, I had to handle some tax matters. I put the business facet of SELF forth and got it done. I still felt energetically hung over from all the stimulus of the previous days, so I sat in allowance of the hazy feeling that shadowed over my existence.
In the old days of Lauren I would have fought the haze. I would have done a lot of doing to get rid of it. If there’s something I have experienced and internalized, it is that if you relax and allow – some people use the word surrender, I don’t because it implies that there is a battle to surrender from, and I put down my sword so there are no battles left, which you can read about HERE – if you relax and allow, all will take care of itself. It just might take some linear time to complete itself. And it did!
About three days of solitude, allowing, and self DreamWalking took place, and I woke up this morning back in the clear space, with the inner knowing everything in my body of consciousness belongs to me at this given moment. That will certainly help my writing game. Usually on these days, I don't do any writing, so that was interesting.
It seems to me the haze, the lack of clarity, could be mistaken easily as something un-pure. Purification seems to be everywhere these days. My Facebook feed was filled up yesterday with energetic reports about purification and the shamanic fire ceremony was also sold as a purification fire. How old is the concept that we, as humans, are not pure and therefore must purify ourselves? No wonder I felt the need to shower after the event. It wasn’t mine. I was feeling the sensation of being dirty from the people around me. I even saw a person bathing in the fire fumes, using their hands to ‘wash’ the smoke over them.
Yet there is nothing un-pure about any of us. We are all made up of light, dark, and everything in between. We've all had lives as the warrior and the wounded, as the persecuted and the persecutor. There is nothing to fix, clean, or get rid of…There is integration, if you choose, and we can allow all of it, so-called pure or un-pure, whatever…
The concept of purification is outdated. In the New Energy, you are either aware or not aware AND usually it’s a combination of both AND awareness comes with compassion, an honoring of the now whatever that looks like. I consider myself an extremely aware person. However, I know there’s a whole lot out there beyond the edges of my awareness that I have not yet realized. That’s exciting for me. It’s a land of awareness to discover, explore, and play in. Not lessons I need to learn or something to beat myself up about not knowing yet. Uncharted territory lights me up inside…but I will get to that in another post.
Today, I will conclude with…Perhaps, a true facet of perceiving oneself through the lens of love is knowing there is nothing inside of you that needs to be cleaned, purified, buried, or released. Perhaps, it is knowing you are whole and complete now, no matter whether you are pleasant and positive or downright irritable and a little miserable. Perhaps self-love is a total acceptance of where you are right here, right now, without trying to change it.
LET'S TAKE THAT FUTHER...
Sure, most of you know this on a mental level, but is it something that is permeating your entire body of consciousness? For example, I have felt for quite sometime that there was nothing to be purified in me. However, in the past few days of relaxation, I moved this notion through parts of myself that it had not reached, parts of myself on the far edges of my awareness. That's the glory of it all. We can take concepts that we understand completely and use the motion of awareness to spread it to the very edges of the landscape of SELF, which for me actually stretches the edges of awareness out even further. Like a car driving in the fog, the headlights only show you so far ahead. One has to keep driving to see what lays beyond the fog...
Tomorrow, I’m going to get more into story mode. The story includes pregnancy dreams, St. Catherine of Alexandria, and aspect integration on Mt. Sinai. I’m going to let myself get a little loose with the stories for subscribers on Patreon. Knowing that the readers truly want to be here and invest in my story-telling mediums makes me want to open up in a totally different way. So thank you, Patrons. Let’s get a little wild in the next three weeks. I hope you will participate by sharing your stories too in the comments. Starting on day eight, the only people who will be able to read your comments are those in the same space of awareness as you, so it is a safe place to share should you want to participate as well. Oh Be Ahn!
30 Days of Self Love
Day Five: Alone again, naturally
Thank you to everyone who has supported New Energy Creator on Patreon. Your support is appreciated beyond words. For those of you just joining us, the first week of this 30-day series will be on the blog and then only on Patreon after that. You can access all 30 days by pledging $1/ month or $12/year. I hope you will consider becoming a Patron of New Energy Creator, receiving exclusive content and supporting the massive amount of content produced through the site.
Yesterday Ollie and I woke up to the sun shining bright. In Colorado, a state with more than 300 sunny days per year, it’s easy to take it for granted, but not here in the Pacific Northwest. It has been raining so hard for the past few days I thought I was going to have to call Noah to build another ark.
So it was a pleasant surprise to see a yellow object glowing in the sky, and maybe I cut you guys a little short on writing yesterday. Basically, Ollie was howling at the door, “Let’s gooooo!” So we did…
Ollie and I drove from beach to beach before our cabin was ready. We played in the sand. Ollie found some other dogs to frolic with. Oregon beaches are super dog friendly and a leash wasn’t in sight, which was welcome news. Let’s just say Master Ollie does not enjoy a leash…that’s for dogs, he says. Clearly he is not dog (shush, don’t tell him).
We shared a really fresh fish and chips lunch and headed to the grocery store to stock up. Tea in place of wine and vegan in place of the road/ party food I had been living on for the past few days.
For those of you who do not know, I dream walk people back with their soul in my full-bodied soul session. Like dream walking a child born into this world or facilitating a soul exiting physical form, I walk humans back to their souls. This usually happens in the dream state, and I do not drink alcohol or eat animal products during this time to keep the energy clear from interference.
As I have taken two weeks off from any client work, I am my own client. Dream walking Lauren and Sar’h, the voice of my soul, together once again. But aren’t they already together? Yes AND there is always so much more to explore!
Furthermore, I would say the most interesting internal discovery as of late is the lines between human and soul and facets have become quite thin. It’s not so easy to distinguish between the many that make up SELF. Integration is the natural progression, so it feels quite good to have the lines blurred. Maybe that’s why it is so hard to go into a house full of thirty people! I can’t simply pull out the human facet and put it forth for the party anymore. That old trick feels much too fragmented. It’s concepts and realizations like these that I hope to dive deep into during the next week.
Ollie and I found our cabin about 3 p.m. It’s absolutely perfect. The windows look out to the gently roaring Pacific Ocean, and neon green garden paths weave the property, where Ollie is allowed to roam free. He’s in heaven after being in motels for the past week.
Also, I’m going to be honest. I spent yesterday completely ‘energetically hung over’ from the shamanic gathering. It was not the single beer I had at lunch or the one I had with dinner. It was too much energy in one place, and many people not aware enough to hold responsibility for their energy. Judgement free - how can I judge when the awareness is not even present enough to think about energetic dynamics.
At home, I am spoiled. Every single friend there has taken and/or taught the Crimson Circle’s Sexual Energy School, which is not a requirement for mastery but sure helps bring some much needed awareness to energetic management.
I think the majority of all of you reading this have taken the school, but if not there’s one coming up in April. You can read the description HERE and see if it calls to you. I will say I also have friends who have never taken the school and manage their energy like the masters they are. I'd say that is the exception, rather than the rule.
For those of us Shaumbra who hang out together, we can easily tell who has taken it by how they manage their personal energy, replenishing themselves from within rather than grasping at external sources of energy. It becomes plain as day to watch it. But you are all masters of self and can determine if something like that is right for you, so back on topic…
If you watched the last Shoud, you might know the term ‘energetic hangover’ came from Adamus. Yesterday I felt I could barely function in the human world. I even wore my baseball cap inside the grocery store to block the energy of other humans. I’m all about making eye contact and chatting with strangers 99% of the time. Not yesterday. I was on OPE (Other Peoples’ Energy) overload!!! I haven't felt that in ages...not at this level...
So what does a master do when they are energetically hung over in a marijuana-legal state? They start a fire, get a little stoned, open up the cabin doors to allow the roar of the ocean to permeate the house. They breathe a deep sigh of relief and sense gratitude for their magical cabin creation for the next week. It should be an interesting journey into the blurred lines of self. I look forward to what I might I discover as I dance in this grand space of awareness. I am so grateful I gave myself this gift of solitude. It truly is a pleasure to know me.