30 Days of Self Love: Day Zero

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I am packing up my truck with all the trip necessities – bedding, surf board, camping stove, books, clothes, etcetera, AND I am pondering what it truly means to RELAX because more than anything right now, as I fold up my clothes, I hold an inner knowing we must be relaxed to move into deeper awareness, into the LOVE perception of SELF. Relaxation is one of those magnificent sensations that feel ridiculously good to both the human – physical and emotional - and the master or soul self.
 
Like any human moving from awakening to an embodied enlightenment experience, I look back at what relaxation looked like when I was living a singular human life. I worked somewhere between forty and sixty hours a week. Even the forty-hour weeks were hard on me. My company expected me to be on top of everything, so I was – at all times. I remember one Christmas Eve day being on the phone with everyone and anyone who had any state budget influence to save funding for one of the projects I was responsible for. Needless to say, that was not a relaxing holiday.
 
After work, I would run, run so hard to keep my body looking a certain way. Then my husband I would likely argue over dinner, and then collapse into the couch, “relaxing” with booze and Netflix. I would wake up a stress basket and do it all over again, like Groundhog Day.
 
As a married, working woman, “relaxation” also included Saturday college football games and more booze. Sundays were spent laying on the couch in hangover misery. Monday morning would start the cycle all over again. We’d also take vacations. Nice ones, maybe two to four times a year. We would visit exotic locales and stay in nice hotels. The time I was actually relaxed during any of this: zero.
 
When I first had my adult re-awakening (if you read Becoming Sar’h you know I was awake as a child and then went into some sort of slumber…), I no longer had the job or the husband. My father had passed away, and even in the intense grief, which lasted three solid years, I was a thousand times more relaxed in the freedom of being jobless and single. AND because there was part of me in stress, I wasn’t truly relaxed. Relaxation seems to be one of those absolutes. You are, or you aren’t.
 
Sar’h, the name I use to identify my soul voice, asked me as I lay on the couch taking a break from packing, “When do you feel the most relaxed?” I was surprised by my first answer, not so much from the second.
 
My first answer, “When I am with clients – one on one.” That’s strange, I thought, why is that? I realized for my clients I master up. I am open, clear, energetically aware, and completely aligned. I bring all parts of myself together – the whole team, if you will – in total love, honor, and compassion for the person in front of me, who is:

• Boldly courageous enough to show up unfiltered and amazingly vulnerable.
• Completely committed to their journey of self-discovery, no ifs, ands, or buts.
• Beyond beautiful in all facets and aspects of whom they are at that moment.

 
Clients show up to their soul sessions in their soul space AND they bring their imperfect human qualities with them and experiences of all lifetimes and in between. The person in front of me is so overwhelmingly beautiful to me; I often fight back tears of overwhelming love and honor for that person until after the session when I let the tears rip. Why is it so beautiful to me? I see my own magnificence reflected back to me.
 
When I shared this with Sar’h, she did not say anything but energetically nodded that I understood something. Imagine if every single person I meet is like a client reflecting back to me the LOVE of SELF. The way I perceive myself when I am working with a client is nothing but the total love, honor and compassion that I sense for the person in front of me.  There was certainly a gold realization nugget in there for me, and something I will explore further on this journey.
 
My other answer was sort of a given. I feel most relaxed when I am alone, in motion (walking, driving, breathing), and with my dog, Ollie. Well, that’s certainly taken care of with this trip ahead of me. In my alone space, I don’t have to worry that my energy is too big for a space. I expand. I don’t have to worry if I am following some sort of protocol for manners or behavior. I allow myself to see and sense energy designs and describe them aloud to Ollie, who seems to understand everything I say. I am completely understood by my soul and by whatever ascended master choosing to visit me. Furthermore, I can have a conversation with the master in my backseat – sorry, Master M, Ollie always rides shotgun (ha!) – and not worry about appearing insane.
 
As I fill up my coffee cup about to head back into packing, I sense all of these energetic strands weaving together in a crystalline spider web. The cobwebs of creation, if you will. I am the creator – the spider – spinning the strands of self-love. I realize putting the right words to this is going to be a huge undertaking.
 
I sigh, finish my coffee, and throw some last minute things into the truck for our multi-sensual journey….
 
I don’t know what it will look like, but it certainly won't be boring!
 
Read more about the 30 Days of Self Love.
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