30 Days of Self Love
Day Four: Compassion & Other Peoples' Energy
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After making my way to the coast, I met a friend in the town of Waldport, where she and her husband parked their camper van at a friend’s house. We had a lovely dinner, and I was thankful for the company.
The next morning we went out to go musseling. That’s where you head to the beach and collect mussels from a sea rock to have for a meal. It was a wonderful adventure. The rain was coming down in sheets and the wind so strong I could barely keep my feet on the ground. We made our way down a slippery, rocky bluff. It was so hard to navigate Ollie had to stay in the car.
My surfing booties kept my feet from sliding and a borrowed yellow raincoat protected me from the intense Oregon coast elements. I was handed a tool to remove the mussels from the rock, and we gathered the sea creatures for our lunch. As we gathered the last mussels, I watched the intense tide roll in, spitting across the rocks. Then we had to make the ascent up the cliffs with two buckets of mussels. No one said a word as we hopped into our dry, warm cars to head back to the local friend’s house.
It was a grand experience, one I will always remember, and the best kind of way for me to spend time with people – a shared outdoor activity, where I am experiencing rather than absorbing energies. I was beyond grateful.
However, that evening I was invited to join them at a friend’s shamanic gathering in a neighboring town. I knew I was not going to enjoy it, yet my soul voice indicated I should go and there was something to experience there. Besides, I had declared a couple weeks ago I was not going to spend my embodied enlightenment watching Netflix...but that's another post...
We walked into a full home. There must have been thirty people gathered in a circle. At first my human self wanted to roll her eyes and walk out of there. People looking for blessings and answers from outside themselves is no fun for me, the human. Yet, I witnessed something inside me I had desired to see for sometime – letting go of a pattern I no longer wished to repeat. I was experiencing compassion – honoring everyone where they are in their soul journey without trying to change it.
The host introduced the shaman from Peru and translated his words. He also introduced a local man from a native tribe as a guest of honor. I guess non-indigenous people aren’t guests of honor these days, yet it is the soul who has so much to offer, but I digress…
The local tribe representative played the flute beautifully, and when he spoke, he talked about holding onto ‘good’ energy and ridding oneself of the ‘bad’ energy. Now, if you are reading my blog, you likely don’t operate in such dualistic manners. Nothing is black and white as people make it out to be. Yet my reaction was not typical, I was not internally rolling my eyes. Instead, I saw a large group of people who were having an experience, and I was not judgmental. I could hardly recognize this reaction in myself – it was true compassion, not forced compassion. It was not mental. It was a sense.
Next there was a fire ceremony, of which I have never been a big fan, and a potluck dinner. I love talking to people about what makes them tick and was really enjoying myself. I was talking to a woman, a fellow writer, when the shaman from Peru tugged on my sleeve. In broken English, he said, “You happy.” I nodded yes, I AM.
He smiled and made a gesture to his heart. His energy told me it was very rare to see someone who was not looking for something. I thought how alone he must feel most of the time, traveling around the world ‘healing’ people. I was likely one of the few people he saw on his journey that didn’t need anything from him. We shared a moment, and I moved on circulating through the crowd. Then I hit my limit. I could feel myself absorbing the energy of others. It was not a rush or a panic. It was a knowing that it was time to leave now.
It was a familiar feeling I have experienced all of this life and many others. I absorb peoples’ energy and reflect it back to them. It used to be debilitating, and now I see it as a gift, one I share with clients. It’s also what Master Morya does for me when I ask him questions. He does not answer. He shifts his energy to a certain frequency, which honors me finding the answer for myself. I learned to do the same for others from him, but there is one difference - his energy is not affected by it. Unlike me, he doesn’t have to go home and take a shower. Well, maybe on occasion...
Now, I never feel the need to take a shower after a client session. There has been an energetic exchange and a permission of sorts for me to reflect back to the client, so they can find the answers within. However, when I am in a group socially, there is not a direct energetic exchange. I do not have permission per say to tell them what their souls are screaming but they cannot hear. And it is not my place to tell someone, “Hey, your soul is dying to speak with you. Can you not hear it?” That’s not what true compassion entails.
I left the event thankful for the experience, especially for witnessing the compassion in my body of consciousness even when someone was rambling on about good versus bad energy. I was grateful for the morning musseling with friends, whose energy was quite lovely to dance in, and for a once in a lifetime human experience.
Yet thirty people at a shamanic ceremony sent me to the familiar space of existence. I felt energetically dirty. Once again, I was in the shower, gently washing off the energy of others – their aspects, their dualistic concepts, their desperation to find validation and answers outside of themselves. I was scanning my body of consciousness, with ease I might add, for what was mine and what was not. It’s not a mental exercise but a sensual one I created to move me through this in a graceful way.
I have come a long way from even being able to sit in a group that large with that much seeking. Yet, I realized at some point I would not have to wash it away. I would not have to do a sensual scan for what is mine and what isn’t mine. I would simply know and be.
Even more so I realized how much I truly love to be alone, dancing and making love to my own energy. Today I am heading to my A-frame beach cabin. It will be total seclusion. For some, the idea of being alone with themselves for a week would be terrifying. I have been in this space of my life. When you are alone without distraction you have to face all aspects and facets of yourself. For me, that is now a joy, a gift I am giving myself.
So where’s all the self love in this. Well, today it’s simply an honoring for the self-realizations I have experienced and an honoring and excitement for the self-realizations coming down the pike. For now, I’m going to sit in the compassion I truly felt last night, and glow. Compassion is a sense that the world beat out of me, and that I have created for myself in a whole new way.
This is part of the 30 Days of Self Love series.
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